That is a nice reality, I think it would look better with my perceptions.

Cognitive dissonance is where we change our opinions or behaviours in order to solve an inconsistency to promote a state of regulation. If there is an inconsistency between attitudes and behaviours, we will often change our attitude in order to be consistent with our behaviours. Or vice-a-versa.

There are multiple ways we can perform dissonance: avoidance, denying responsibility, justifications for the alternative, reframing, reassessing, the list goes on. If it does not suit the perception we want to attain, we can change it to the reality that suits. The same can occur with decisions. In situations where decisions can not be changed, even if we know it was it was a terrible decision in our gut, we can adjust out attitudes to be in line with decisions.

Dissonance and Social Media

Social Media was a huge factor in Cognitive Dissonance, it became termed the Proteus Effect. Proteus was a Greek deity who had the ability to take any form. We can effectively create our own avatars on Instagram and convince ourselves that the reality we are posting even if an alternative has occurred.

I can remember a time travelling through Phi Phi with an ex-boyfriend. We had experienced an evening that ended in too much alcohol being consumed, tears and me cleaning up his dinner from the bed. The Instagram post that went up the next day was a cute beach shot with the caption “Hehe in Phi Phi”. Followed by a flurry of likes, and that became the reality I believed. That it was a great evening.

Research shows that we can conform our behaviours to conform to our digital self-representation and to the behaviour they believed others would expect of them, even without receiving any behavioural confirmation. Therefore, it can be biased towards expectations of society versus outward validation. I didn’t even need the likes for that punny caption so, I just was working on the expectation that everyone would assume we were having a great holiday.

One thing I did early on in my journey was I went through my entire Instagram profile and archived any post that I was not in fact “present” for. The days that I was in fact miserable, but I was trying to pretend to the world I was great. This is where dissonance can lead us astray. It can become a limitation to feeling our feelings.

Dissonance and Imposter Syndrome

As we spend a lot of this month looking at imposter-syndrome and self-esteem another personal dissonance I often find is can I be worthy of helping others when I have my own struggles at time with mental health? However, in reality I know it is this vulnerability and ability to regulate and move through my own struggles that puts me in place to do this work. Our experiences our part of our individual differences that make us so unique and why we all ultimately have a purpose by just being rather than what career we choose. However, the two often dance together in a dissonance and imposter shake-up that can lead us to regulating by choosing not to go for that dream-job about of the attitude that we are not worthy.

A quote I love from Derek Sivers “What’s obvious to you is not always obvious to others”.

An experience that you have had can be useful to many. Knowledge that you have gained can be useful to others. It is our fear that can convince us to shrink the behaviour of sharing and think everyone knows that already. Ever had an amazing idea and then avoided sharing it in a meeting? Dissonance to unworthiness, right there.

How to come back to reality?

Question your thoughts. Question your behaviours. Both can be regulated to conformity. Question the information you take in. I wrote a post during the week regarding self-diagnosing as a result of Instagram. The new and adapted Proteus Effect, choosing theories as a new avatar.

As Maxine Lagace says “Curiosity and questions will get you further than confidence and answers”.

Our brains are set to look for the easy way. They’re lazy and wired for survival it’s not their fault. But we are more than our nervous system and we have a choice. We are also more than Social Media. We are more than the answers it holds.

When I imposter syndrome steps up, and the dissonance screams for me to match my behaviours to the attitude of not worthy, I question it. Is this actually true?

Look both inwards and outwards with an objectivity that questions rather than just accept. Let’s begin to build our trust muscles by trusting that we can find answers by what feels right to us. TRUST YOUR GUT. Curiosity is what allows us to continue to open new doors, new discoveries and keeps us moving forward. While learning to listen to our gut and what feels right to you. Not right to the dissonance. If the old way is not working for you, rather than solving the inconsistency to continue to match it, tear it up.

It is Leo season after all. Find your ROAR.